It’s a comic cliché, but with Thanksgiving over and potential family tensions in the rear-view mirror, it’s a good time to reflect on conflict and communication. And, to find ways to cope, at work (and at home) as the holiday season approaches!
Conflict in the workplace may not happen over the dinner table, but it can feel personal, be damaging and is all too frequent. But, the way leaders and employees handle it can make the difference between a breakdown in productivity and a breakthrough in collaboration.
There is a real commercial impact to this. Organisations with strong conflict-resolution cultures report higher employee satisfaction, reduced turnover, and better team dynamics. The downside impact of conflict is massive. In the UK alone, an average of 485,800 employees resign each year due to conflict, costing £2.6 billion in recruitment and £12.2 billion in lost output as new employees get up to speed (Acas, 2021). What are Templar’s top strategies for maintaining cohesion and collaboration?
1. Stay Calm and Composed – ‘model’ self-regulation to your team
Leaders set the tone during tense interactions. Remaining calm can neutralize heightened emotions, preventing escalation. Emotional contagion—the phenomenon where emotions spread among individuals—means that a composed leader can help stabilize the room.
Example: During a critical project at a global consulting firm, a major disagreement between two project leads was impacting the deliverables for the client. The senior partner was able to defuse the situation by maintaining calm body language and redirecting the conversation to shared objectives. This modelled emotional regulation for the team and facilitated a resolution.
2. Listen Actively
Active listening goes beyond hearing—it involves understanding and validating the other person’s perspective. Reflective listening, such as paraphrasing or summarizing points, reduces defensiveness and builds trust.
Example: In one of the IT divisions of a large Investment Banking client of Templar’s, we witnessed tension flare between a software engineer and the product manager over missed deadlines. BUT: The engineering lead actively listened to the manager’s concerns; paraphrased their frustrations very effectively (“felt their pain”); and acknowledged the emotional toll the delays had caused (demonstrated EQ and empathy). This shift in tone opened the door to collaboration. This created space for both parties to co-design a timeline adjustment.
3. Acknowledge Emotions Without Escalating
Emotion often drives conflict. Leaders who validate feelings, such as frustration or disappointment, demonstrate empathy while avoiding agreement with unconstructive behaviour.
Example: We have all heard stories about leaders in finance dealing with teams very upset about reduced bonuses. Instead of dismissing their complaints, the most successful MDs are strong at acknowledging disappointment and transparently explaining the firm’s financial challenges. During 2008 one exemplary Desk Head at a troubled US Bank lost 2 out of a team of 32, where the rest of the front-office was seeing churn of 40+%. His approach diffused anger and encouraged the team to focus on long-term growth strategies.
4. Focus on Interests, Not Positions
Many workplace conflicts stem from entrenched positions, which often obscure underlying needs or interests. Shifting the conversation to address these interests fosters collaborative problem-solving.
Example: When Templar advises on our client negotiations, we often see counterparties digging in on price. “I need to get a 3% discount on this.” The ‘position’ maybe the discount. The (unstated) interest may be “I want to look good in front of my boss.” Q: Is there another way the counterparty can feel they’ve ‘won’ (that makes them look good) beyond gouging your fee?
5. Use Neutral, Nonjudgmental Language – “I..” not “You..”
Language can either escalate or deescalate conflict. Avoiding blame and using “I” statements instead of “you” statements is key. Avoiding accusatory language shifts conversations from confrontational to constructive.
For instance: Rather than saying, “You never meet deadlines,” reframe with, “I’m concerned about the impact of delays on our timeline.” This shift maintains focus on the issue rather than the person.
6. Set Boundaries During Escalation
When conflicts become unproductive, leaders must pause and reset. Setting boundaries and agreeing to revisit the conversation later prevents further escalation.
Example: One of our female MDs in Prime Brokerage shared a story about a hedge-fund COO who became very angry and aggressive at her and her team during a particularly challenging issue with a complex trade. It was clearly not appropriate and despite the perceived ‘power-asymmetry’ of top-tier client versus the bank, she nevertheless firmly called-out the boundary-crossing, proposed meeting again when heads were calmer and ended the call. When the meeting resumed, the hedge fund COO had regained perspective, apologised, and both sides were more able to focus on problem-solving.
7. Find Common Ground
Focusing on shared goals realigns teams toward collaboration. Highlighting mutual benefits helps reduce the adversarial nature of conflicts.
Example: Rather than people adopting a siloed mentality to resourcing and individual budgets, when the common ground of ‘growth above everything’ is put on the table collaboration is more likely achieved and the ambition to ‘protect my patch’ is reduced.
8. Prepare Solutions and Follow Up
Preparation demonstrates commitment to resolving conflict. Equally important is following up after a conversation to ensure that agreed-upon actions are implemented. This builds accountability and trust.
Example: After resolving a dispute about remote work flexibility, a HR manager created a follow-up plan to track team performance metrics under the new hybrid model. This demonstrated transparency and solidified trust.
Turning Conflict Into Opportunity
Handled effectively, workplace conflict can strengthen relationships, improve systems, and foster innovation. Leaders must embrace these challenging conversations as opportunities for growth rather than threats. The most successful teams don’t avoid conflict—they navigate it with empathy, collaboration, and clarity.
As organizations grow more complex, equipping leaders with conflict-resolution skills becomes a competitive advantage. Templar have spent 25 years helping teams and individuals to better collaborate and resolve conflict. The next time a disagreement arises, lean into these strategies. You may find that what starts as conflict can end as cooperation.
References
- Boulle, L., & Nesic, M. (2001). Mediation: Principles, Process, Practice. Butterworths.
- Bush, R. A. B., & Folger, J. P. (2005). The Promise of Mediation: The Transformative Approach to Conflict. Jossey-Bass.
- Deutsch, M. (1973). The Resolution of Conflict: Constructive and Destructive Processes. Yale University Press.
- Fisher, R., Ury, W., & Patton, B. (1991). Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. Penguin Books.
- Goleman, D. (1998). Working with Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books.
- Gordon, T. (2003). Teacher Effectiveness Training. Random House.
- Jehn, K. A. (1995). “A Multimethod Examination of the Benefits and Detriments of Intragroup Conflict.” Administrative Science Quarterly, 40(2), 256–282.
- Rogers, C. R., & Farson, R. E. (1957). Active Listening. Industrial Relations Center, University of Chicago.
- Thomas, K. W. (1992). “Conflict and Conflict Management.” In M. D. Dunnette & L. M. Hough (Eds.), Handbook of Industrial and Organizational Psychology. Consulting Psychologists Press.
- Ury, W. (1991). Getting Past No: Negotiating in Difficult Situations. Bantam Books.